In the last post, I highlighted the book “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. While the book aims at married couples, the principles apply to all relationships. All of us have love tanks that need to be filled and refilled. Gary Chapman has a series of books in The 5 Love Languages series: For Children (highly recommended, For Teenagers, For Men, For Singles. These books are easy to read but highly impactful – I would say life changing.
A word of caution, start with yourself (speaking from personal experience here). It is very easy to see people in our lives who these books might “fix”. It is funny, that whenever I take the time to work on myself everyone in my life seem to magically get better.
How do I find out what my love language is?
Gary Chapman has a couple of very helpful sections at the back of the book, one of which is a question and answer section. Here is an excerpt:
1. What if I cannot discover my primary love languages?
“First observe how you most often express love to others. If you are regularly doing acts of service for others, this may be your love language. If you are consistently, verbally affirming people, the Words of Affirmation is likely your love language.
What do you complain about most often? When you say to your spouse, ‘I don’t think you would ever touch me if I did not initiate it,’ you are revealing that Physical Touch is your love language. When your spouse goes on a business trip and you say, ‘You didn’t bring me anything?’ you are indicating that Receiving Gifts is your language. The statement, ‘We don’t ever spend time together,’ indicates the love language of Quality Time. Your complaints reveal your inner desires. (If you have trouble remembering what you complain about most often, I suggest that you ask your spouse. Chances are that they will know.)
What do you request of your spouse most often? If you are saying ‘Will you give me a back rub?’ you are asking for Physical Touch. ‘Do you think that we could get a weekend away this month?’ is a request for Quality time. ‘Would it be possible for you to mow the grass this afternoon?’ expresses your desire for Acts of Service. (Your answer to these three questions will likely reveal your primary love language.)
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